Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
