Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
