Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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