True but thats because hes a fetus.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
