i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize