please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
