so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
