I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
