well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
