hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will be naked everywhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
