it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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