OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
