I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
