I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
