im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
