another moral hangover. fuck.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
