Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
