he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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