Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
