i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
