Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
