I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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