I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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