Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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