I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
