it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
