So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
