I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
