i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
