just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
