I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
