she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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