i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drunk is not a location!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
