My nipple is on Facebook.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
