if only i could text you this smell
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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