Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
