I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize