I wish i was in the wii world.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A bitchslap is in order.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
