My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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