I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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