guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
