Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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