i jhust puked up my retainher.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
