Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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