why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
