I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
