Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
