I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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