Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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