Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
