Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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