God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
