hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize