In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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