I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize