Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
