just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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