Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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