Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She bit a glass in half.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
