Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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