Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
