Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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