I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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