Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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