Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
