i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
