I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
