u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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