Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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