You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
