apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
