oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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