She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
