i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Randomize
