oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
