clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
