That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
