I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
