mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
