if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize