This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
