my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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