You just made me feel so damn special
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
