Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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