All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
