his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
