Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This baby is an asshole
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
