Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
