he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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