I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
