do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
