Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
not ubering you a puppy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
