I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
