She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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