lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize