After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
