His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize