What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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