What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
