I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
