somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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