We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
