you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Floor bacon is actually really good
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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