shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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